I haven’t felt this lost, confused, or so completely offtrack with my life, in my entire life. And yet i’m only 18. Where did it all go? and what happened to my drive? And why am I continuing to sit here, work the shittiest job in the world, living paycheck to paycheck, to go no where, but continue hating nearly every moment of it. So what I do is, forget it all. But at the cost of what? All of my worthless money. For dependencies I don’t need to build onto more then I already have, and am likely bound to in the future already. This isn’t what I want and I know that. But why aren’t I changing that? Why don’t I know what the first step is? I need to get away but I don’t know where I want to go, what I want to do, or with who. There are so many things I can’ stand, infact, absolutely hate about myself, and the way I am. You’d think since I spend nearly 99 percent of the time thinking about how much I want to be like this person or that person, or can never seem to get to be with any of the people i’d kill to be with, that i’d start making those changes. My insecurities are destroying the person I am, my insecurities have developed into it’s own, called Bekah. I never thought at 18, i’d be this way.